2011...

well here we are. it seems a new year is underway [finally]....

here is a smattering of random thoughts from 2010 before we pack it away for good.

while two thousand ten was definitely not the year i'd expected, it shall go down in history as one that forever changed who i am. it was a year where i grew up and learned a lot not only about myself but about others as well.

there are people who walk in and out of our lives. sometimes they stay for a long time/permanently and sometimes the time is rather short. i have come to realize that while it is hard to accept comings and goings they really can be for the better.

some relationships fall apart and we may not always be fortunate enough to know why or how, but everything has a purpose and everything has a reason. even though the reason is not always clear at the time, it usually has a way of revealing itself in the end. if you had asked me a year ago how i was feeling about my life i would have told you that i was renewed and ready to make better decisions. however, it was a naive thing to say at the time as it was more a hope than an actual truism.

i was hoping that i was ready to be renewed when in reality i still had 'skeletons in the closet' i needed to deal with before renewal could be reached. all this to say, a year later i feel as though i can finally say with confidence that i am renewed and ready to take on life. sometimes it takes awhile to 'wake up and smell the coffee' as some would say, but its better to realize sometime rather than never.

someone once told me i am like an owl...wise, but sometimes a bit slow in reaching the final decision/discovery. this rings true to some extent for often i know the right answer or what i should do but i always think i can fix things on my own or i ignore the problem altogether (terrible coping strategy by the way). my owl-like tendencies if you will are a gift in disguise i think and i plan on embracing this in the future.

all this to conclude, it seems i am at a crossroads. sometimes it feels as though parts of my past are surreal; almost like a dream, between reality and wishing. im not sure if its because i have focused so much on the here and now that the past has dimmed or if because i have changed so much the past no longer carries such relevance anymore. the person i am now and the person i was seem to clash and therefore force out those memories almost as if they didnt happen...how's that for twisted psychology?

anyways back to this supposed crossroads...the past is behind the future ahead. feeling slightly more optimistic than i usually do (which is inspiring, no?), it has been determined that 2011 will surpass 2010 in greatness. i feel this is a cliche phrase everyone says in the new year but i dont plan on letting that fade.

we constantly change as we go through life. events wear on us and shape us (sometimes forceably) into being the people we were destined to be. its hard as hell sometimes, but contributes to making us stronger in the end.

goodbye 2010, although you had your highlights, 2011 will beat you.

renewed,

annie em