FINALLY.

AdSense has finally approved me.

I would just like to say...

ITS ABOUT DANG TIME!!

Anyways, to detail today, it was pretty ok I suppose. I modeled for the first time and went on a little outing with Nadia to the mall. It has been a weird day though. Not in a good or bad way...just weird. Well, I'm off to go do other random stuff and probably stay up late again.

Tata,
annie em.

sunday, harry potter and drawing.

It's another l o n g day in the life of Anne Ruder.

I stayed up until 6am last night with my roommate Chelsah doing homework. We both have so much to do that we had to stay up that late if we wanted to get everything done for the weekend. How sad is that?

My main source of stress right now involves a drawing project in which my teacher, Prof. Wetzig gave us a pen and told us to use the whole thing. Those are the guidelines of the whole project...so I have used about a fifth so far and the project is due in 2 days.

I guess I can't really complain too much because we got the assignment last Tuesday, but I couldn't find anything to draw, so I put it off. I ended up drawing something in my room, which isn't the most exciting, but oh well. It will get the assignment done. Anyways, I'll take pictures when I'm done and maybe in the process of drawing it.


Creating,
annie em

too much.

There comes a time when someone's brain cannot possibly handle anything else, no matter what it is.

I think it is quite safe to say that I have reached this point.


Whispers only convey so much
And only the stars will ever know the lyrics
Offered from comfort and love,
Met with confusion and a bleeding heart,
Forbidden from understanding
What their situation was,
Or how it might have transcribed,
But now all is ended for good,
Going in search for something more
Than this fleeting life.

owl city.

You would not believe your eyes,
if ten million fireflies,
lit up the world as I fell asleep.

I have discovered another obsession...
Owl City.

From our very own Land of 10,000 Lakes.

Amazing,
annie em

slight relief.

Today = stressful times one million and one!

I realized how behind I was from the weekend and I had a little freak out.

BUT

I just got a huge drawing project out of the way much quicker than I thought, so that in itself made me feel a lot better about everything. I still have to work 9-12tonight, but I am such a speedy manager that I can usually get off an hour early if I really want to. And my boss is super nice so that helps too.

Anyways, to say the least, I still have lots to do, but at least one big thing is knocked off the list.

Sigh of relief,
annie em

2:23.

Yes, it is 2:23 and I am still up, wishing I could just go to bed.

I really wish that I had not procrastinated so much today and this entire weekend. Then maybe I wouldn't be so behind on everything for the coming week. But sometimes life throws a curveball or two at you and that can take your focus off of things that matter, like school for instance.

Ugh, I really wish I had the concentration right now to do my homework, but anything I do right now would not be very good quality in the slightest. Instead, I choose to listen to OneRepublic and write this. However, the tradeoff to this is that it is actually helping me in some way. By babbling my thoughts out on here, it may help to relieve some of the things that I deal with.

The power of words amaze me sometimes. It is indescribable that feeling after you finish writing something that made you get all your thoughts out. You feel so relieved and almost as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It is that specific feeling that I live for after writing something.

Now, after a series of events I now find myself in the laundry room on 3rd floor talking to Sam and Will. Oh how random the nights go. Well I'm off.

Stop and Stare,
annie em

hot rod among other things.

Today...hmm...has been neither good nor bad, just a day.

Right now I happen to be in my dear friend Justin Norcross's room doing math homework and watching Hot Rod (Ha-what?). Not to say we're actually getting a whole lot of homework done, but at least we are attempting..that has to account for something right?

Well for the rest of the day the only other things I really want to do are go running and at some point try to read all 60 pages of my art homework (AH!). Actually, I kind of like my art history homework, mainly due to the fact that I love anything to do with art. But it is getting up the motivation to keep reading those 60 pages and take notes.

So math homework is now done. And now I can watch Hot Rod guilt free! (well almost). Well Justin and his roomies are going to dinner soon, but I will most likely post something later tonight again. Hopefully on a more interesting topic than just my day.

Cool beans,
annie em

quote of the day.

I am noticing a pattern lately in the past posts...talking about other people's words.
This is the last time for awhile I'll post one something like this, I promise. One of my good friends Libby mentioned this quote to me the other day when we had a little life chat (by the way, I dearly love life chats) and it stuck with me as one to remember throughout life.

Quote of choice:

'If you love someone, set them free;
if they come back they're yours,
if they don't they never were.'

Think on it,
annie em

keeping up the trend.

Here is another set of lyrics of a song I listened to just now that are also of significance to me. I'm sure there will be many more posting of lyrics as I continue to write this. A quick shout out to Anberlin. They also are gifted with writing very good lyrics. This isn't even one of the best examples, but it nonetheless still is of great meaning.

"Retrace" - Anberlin

Oh, how I've tried to get you out of my head
And I lied, broken words I said
Never thought I'd walk on this street again
Standing where it all began
Tried to forget when I left this town
But it takes me right back when I come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm right there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

Oh, how I find every subtle thing screams your name
It reminds me of places and times we shared
Couldn't live locked in these memories
Now I'm chained to my thoughts again
And I tried to forget when I left this town
But I'll take you right back if you come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm right there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

I need some shelter, I need some safety
Photographs, they haunt me lately
Chasing shadows as the evening takes me
I'm still searching, but the picture's fading

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm right there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards, still counting backwards

And no where else has ever felt like home
And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone
I replay your voice, it's like you're here
You move the earth, but now the sky is falling

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
In my mind, I'm back by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

sleepless nights.

I seem to find myself up at this late (or early depending how you look at it) hour of the morning. Me and Nadia watched the movie 27 dresses (I'm sensing a chick flick movie pattern from today...) and now the DVD menu has repeated about 100 times because I don't wanna get up to turn it off. Nads is asleep on the couch by me snoring away. I'm not entirely sure why I am still up, but nonetheless I am. Hmm...so what to post about. There are endless possibilities, so I think I will make this one about whatever comes to mind first, which happens to be music (surprise, surprise). I wanted post a youtube vid on here or something but youtube has decided that it has a disability today and I can't figure out how to post a video on here anyways. Oh well. I guess maybe this calls for something else...

some music lyrics anyone?

One band that I have grown to love over the past year and summer especially has been a band called The Script. I will probably do a post entirely on them a little later, but I have decided that many of their lyrics describe my life situations over the past year or so. Since they have such a high meaning to me, maybe I can turn the post into a sort of dedication to them and their great skill for lyricizing (is that a word?)
Here are the lyrics to my favorite song of theirs:

"Before the Worst" - The Script

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke,
I was Guinness all night
We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are hearing me?
Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you where mine for life
We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then well rise above it, well rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to
Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong





Sometimes I find that its amazing that someone else could write a song that describes something that happened in your life so well. It only makes me appreciate music that much more.

Very much awake,
annie em

late night musings.

This is my fifth blog post today. What can I say? I am addicted already.

Anyways, the topic of this blog concerns life in general and how things never turn out quite how you expect them, but sometimes it's for the better.

There are many things in my life that I am dealing with right now and sometimes it seems like if there was one more thing that was added to the pile my brain would explode. However, just because these things come up doesn't mean that I wouldn't be able to handle them. One of the things that I have been coming to terms with lately is that God would never give us something to deal with that we could never handle.
Sometimes its hard to imagine why in the world we would be faced with these things to deal with, but I like to think that everything that happens happens for a reason and makes you stronger in the end. It sounds highly cliche, but I am coming to realize that it has never been more true for me (now more than ever).
When we are put through trials, we often find that it changes us in at least a minimal way. I have found the past year for me to have been a time of rapid change for myself. If someone would have told me last year that this is what my life would be like now, I probably would have laughed in their face. I am a completely different person than what I was even a year ago, which could be considered both a good and bad thing in many ways.
In a way it makes me wonder what I will be like in 5 years. If I changed this much over the course of 1 year what would 5 do to me? A scary thought? But I am very much looking forward to seeing what I will be like 5 years from now or even ten. Where will I be and what will I be facing at that time?
Life is such a funny thing. You think you have it all figured out one second, but then it throws you a curveball and everything you once knew and even believed to be true about yourself shatters and you are left feeling a bit thunderstruck. It almost seems like you can never truly have things figured out down to the wire. And maybe we were never meant to know for sure. It definitely is something that I have been pondering lately with everything I am going through.

Sometimes I wish I could just restart my life and undo things that I have done in the past, but who doesn't wish that at least once in their life? It all goes back again to the single thought that has been occupying my mind lately; that God would never give us anything that wouldn't be possible for us to handle.
We all have choices in our life that we can make and whether we want them to help or hurt is up to us. Even though there will always be things we regret in the past, we can take that hurt and regret and use it to look forward to making a new future for ourself that can better define us. There will always be a second chance, it is taking the time to look for it and forgive yourself. The past is the past, so we have to stop living in it and look towards the future.

Contemplating,
annie em

this should have been numero uno.

As the title clearly states, this blog should have been the very first one, but since I have never been one to do things like a normal person, here it is now. The about me blog! Anne in a nutshell...or what have you.

Well...

Mi nombre es Anne-Marie Ruder.

I ended up with my name because my aunt never had any children but she would always tell my mom that if she ever had a daughter, she would name her Anne, so there it was. I went through a phase when I was in second grade where I refused to put the 'e' on the end of my name because I thought it was stupid. While I am quite fine with the 'e' now, but my name then turned into Anne-Marie on account of my grandma referring to me as Anne-Marie instead of just Anne. So theres the story behind me name.

Birthday: July 31, 1991

I'm from Andover, MN (wish it was a more exciting place)

Currently I attend Bethel University where I am sophomore and an art major (officially declared about 2 weeks ago) so I am super excited about that. Art is the one thing that I have always wanted to pursue and I'm stoked that I actually have that opportunity now.

Jesus Christ is my savior and I don't know where I would be without Him today. So much of who I am as a person today I owe to Him because without the support and love that He gives me, I would be nothing.

As I mentioned before, I LOVE (intensely) art and also music. Music is another huge part of who I am. My mom stuck me in piano lessons when I was in second grade and I automatically despised it at first, but low and behold I stuck it out and it ended up being one of the best decisions that I could have ever made. So I currently play the piano (not as much as I would like) and I dabble with the guitar. In middle and high school I played the clarinet and was an All-Conference player for my school district. Basically I lived and breathed music for 11 years of my life and I don't regret it in the least. When I am not playing music I am listening to it. Pretty much anytime I am doing anything I have music. Whether its walking to the academic buildings, working at my job, doing homework, what have you I always have something on. I can't help it. I frequently search iTunes too for more new music to add to my already huge library of 8,000 + songs. Also, I am a huge concert-goer. It is safe to say that I have probably been to about 20 or more concerts so far in my life (I should try to list them all sometime...). The most recent concert I went to was The Script (from Dublin...so sexy...) and Parachute.

Another thing that fascinates me is traveling and foreign countries. I am enamored (one of my favorite words) with anything England and Europe in general. If I don't get there before I die, I would be seriously depressed. Maybe because I have only been to Mexico, I feel like I want to broaden my horizons and be able to travel the world. Nothing would make me happier (except if I were to become a famous designer maybe).

I love to watch HGTV. It is pretty much one of the only TV stations that can hold my full attention for longer than half an hour (mainly because I love anything and everything having to do with interior design). LOST, Gilmore Girls Pushing Daisies are probably three of the best shows ever created, even though PD is no longer on the air (sad day).

I consider myself a huge neat-freak and I love to clean and organize things (something I get from my grandma and not normal by any means). Someday I will own my own house or apartment and I can't wait until I can decorate it and make it my own. My style will probably be somewhat eclectic and indie and a black & white room is a definite must (ok so more like a fun wish...but still).

Other random things I find enlightening and enjoyable:

puzzles, libraries, anything black & white, IKEA, tea, movies, rain, cities, storms, harry potter,
working out / exercising, disney, the simple things in life, sunsets, going on long scenic walks, being adventurous, being random, being myself, photos, reading God's word, creating anything, dogs, living life to the fullest, reading, nature...

I'm only touching the tip of the iceberg because there is so much more than that, but I am hoping that as I write more blogs it comes across who I am as a person. I think that there is something to be said for expressing yourself. Everyone is so different and wonderfully made that I can't wait to express the unique side of myself as I continue writing.

Everyone has a story and you might hate yours, but someone is bound to be fascinated by it.

Love,

annie em

procrastination.

I would just like to say that I am fairly sure that this blogging thing is going to be highly addicting and will most likely contribute to my quantities of unfinished homework (uh oh). I have already made a list of nearly 20 things that I eventually want to write a blog about. Let's just say that I will probably have to have Nadia hide my computer from me at some point to avoid temptation...

While we are on the topic of procrastination, another thing that will aid this unfinished homework is the Facebook application Farmville (ridiculous I know). Who knew such a dumb little farming game could be so frickin addicting. The goal is to get to level 20 and I know I won't rest until I am there, sadly enough.

What is Farmville you may ask? Well...it is mostly what it sounds like. A farming game thing where you can grow crops and have animals.

Now that I have admitted to this stupid little game obsession and feel slightly retarded I can say that another more respectable distraction of mine is most definitely music. If I get unmotivated enough to do homework, then I will revert to going and searching band biographies on Wikipedia or surfing iTunes for new music.

I must also mention a new term I heard today from a good friend of mine, Justin Nelson, which describes people who have good music taste.

music snob - adj. (def) a person who believes their music taste is superior to all others

Ha. What a great definition. However, I cannot brag about being a music snob because I tend to like pretty much every genre of music...including all the bad and cheesy stuff, so I unfortunately cannot call myself a 'music snob'. Oh well. Is that a good thing? I'm not so sure.

I can also quite frequently get distracted by nothing in particular. I just do random things in order to avoid doing my homework, like right now. Spanish, College Algebra, Art History, Drawing and other things all beckon but what am I doing instead? Well this obviously...but as it would turn out I actually do have to go do something productive right now. I'm going to go help my friend Kevin with his Spanish homework and hopefully get some of mine done too. So I am off to East (if I can find it) and then off to work.


Homework calls my name,
annie em

lissner.

I hereby dedicate this post to Bethel University...and more specifically my dorm that I live in
(sorry if some of these earlier posts aren't as interesting).

I am currently a sophomore at this lovely place and I live in Lissner Hall like I mentioned before (quite a trek to the academic buildings I must say). There are 5 other roomies that live with me; Nadia and Emilie (who I mentioned earlier) and there is also Chelsah, Kristy and my direct roommate, Jenny. Oh the adventures that we already had and will have this year. Many of which I am sure will be written in here at some point in time, so look for some interesting stories.

We recently finally tried to make our room more interesting and comfy by going on a weekend excursion to IKEA and getting some pretty sweet stuff. Our room looks better now, but it is definitely still having some little issues, but at least we have a good couch now (and banished the other stupid uncomfortable one into the closet).
Lissner is overall a pretty sweet place though. Its harder to meet people because the setup is comparable to a hotel. You actually have to go knocking door to door if you want to hang out with people because most of them sit in their living rooms all day and don't really go out to the lounges at all. So it really does feel a bit like no one else living here. But it is, after all, only the beginning of the year, so I am hoping that this will hopefully change.

There are many things that are different from this year compared to last year, which is expected I guess, but it almost makes me miss freshman year in a way. I definitely miss the lounge life from Nelson (the freshman dorm I lived in) but Lissner has its own perks as well.
For one, the rooms are amazing! My bedroom is the size of my old room last year alone, so its super nice to be able to have a space that is actually liveable and big (and we get to decorate it too which is my personal favorite part).

One other thing I miss from last year is my floor of girls (N2!) and the community that we had. We all went from room to room and hung out and now this year we are all split up between the three sophomore dorms (East, West and of course Lissner). You actually have to make a concious effort to see people and plan to hang out otherwise it won't really happen. But I guess that that means you spend time with the people you really want to, so it all works out somehow.
I have recently discovered just how much I really love the people here at Bethel. Last year there were so many people that I grew to know and love being around, so it is also comforting just to be back around those people that made freshman year memorable and interesting.

This summer I had actually been thinking about transferring to the U of M because Bethel is insanely expensive and I wasn't sure that I had the money to stay. But, once I thought on it for awhile, I decided that sometimes the experience is definitely worth the money. It would be too hard to leave all the relationships that I have already built and move to a completely new school where I would be a commuter. Life is much too short to deny yourselft something just because money gets in the way. Even though I might be paying up the wazoo to come here, to me it is worth it if I can be in a place where I can grow as a person and also in my relationship with God.

Bethel has definitely impacted me in ways that I never would have expected, so I am excited to see what this school year will bring by way of growing / learning experiences. Well I am off to go do some homework (or attempt to...).

More to come,
annie em

typically there is a beginning.

Well hello there,
I seem to have taken my roommate Nadia's advice again (the first time was Twitter) and gotten a blog. But it happens to be very exciting that I am starting one, so I can't wait!
So...
I guess one has to start somewhere.
Where do I find myself now? Well, I am in my room is Lissner Hall at Bethel University (a later topic for expansion) eating this amazing pasta from (dunno what restaurant) and watching P.S. I Love You before math class with Nadia and Emilie (Em is another one of my roomies). And Nadia is now laughing at me for licking the sauce out of my pasta bowl. But I kid you not, this pasta is from heaven. Oh the joys of roommates. She will most likely read this later too. (Hi Nads!)

(L to R - Nadia, Me, Jenn, Steph...@ Bethel Welcome Week Picnic)

Anyways, countdown to class time is ten minutes, so there isn't much time to write much else here for now. But there will be much more to come! This is going to be a nice little adventure, so it will be cool to see where this blogging thing takes me.

Adios (for now),
annie em.