renewed?

i got the urge the other day at work to start writing blogs again. its been at least 3 months since my last one so i feel like its about time i wrote another one.

to start off with, life has taken a turn for the ...well i dunno if its best or worst. a little bit of both in a way

best / better - for once in a long time i feel somewhat free again. like i dont have to worry about certain things in my past. i feel like i can be independent and myself to some degree. i am much more confident than i was a few years ago which is a great improvement.

worst - home life. some people dont understand what it is like to come from a family where you feel so disconnected from your parents. they are supposed to be the two people in the world you can trust with anything and they should know you inside and out. i have neither of those two things which is sad. not only do my parents not know who i am, but they would kick me out of the house in a second for making one minor mistake. i know from experience within this last week. my dad basically told me that if i got so much as one little tatoo i would get kicked out of my house. now i had always thought my dad was the chill one who was actually somewhat sane in the ruder family, but he proved himself wrong. i honestly dont know how a parent could kick their kid out because of one little thing they decided to get on their body. while i dont have a tatoo yet, i have been thinking about getting one for awhile now, but i would get it somewhere that is easily hideable. to say the least, after i heard that spiel from my dad, i became very upset and left the house for about 3 hours. i am so frustrated by my parents and their hard-headedness and lack of openness to new ideas. because i am a person who is very much so based on being non-judgemental you can imagine how many problems this leads to in my everyday life.

to continue on (i guess by now you have noticed things have been more on the worse side as opposed to better) i basically decided that i want out of the house ASAP. i cannot stand it here anymore and i cannot stand my parents. the only things i would regret about leaving home would be leaving my sister and my brother. i wouldnt want to leave them in this place where i know they would just end up being worse off.

tonight me and steph looked at apartments.

i just want to be free. free from parents, free from a school i pay way too much to go to, free from the past, free from anything weighing me down, free from being weak.

there is so much right now that i just became confused about and i dont know what to do. it just proves to me that the only people i can trust in the world are myself and God. I learned these lessons the hard, and hurtful way. its not always easy to accept but i think my two new life mottos are 'talk is cheap' and 'what doesnt kill you makes you stronger'....ok well the last one has always been one of my mottos but still.

"remember to look over your shoulder, because the world is a cruel place"

- quote from Oma (wise woman, that one)

im in a bit of a depression, someone please pull me out.

annie em.

a fine frenzy.

So....

music influences in my life are HUGE
i probably listen to music at least 5 hours a day. maybe more.

silence bothers me sometimes and music fills it up and makes you feel better.

there is nothing better than finding a song or artist who can whip up some good lyrics either (as i have said before)

one artist i want to write about, because her influence upon me has been huge, is Alison Sudol of A Fine Frenzy. in my opinion she is classified as an indie singer/songwriter who has a wondrously haunting voice and unusual lyrics (at times). however, i love her music nonetheless.

Right now she has two albums out, One Cell in the Sea and Bomb in a Birdcage. i havent had a chance yet to really listen to the newest album, (BiaB) but from what i hear it is much different from OCithS.

I fell in love with her first album because of the significance it seemed to play in my life. and the music was beautiful as well. one of my all time favorite songs by her...well ok i have to pick more than one... so three....

1) Almost Lover

2) Come On, Come Out

3) Ashes & Wine

off One Cell in the Sea

Her lyrics are so powerful and they make you actually feel emotion. you can tell that she really does put her heart and soul into what she does. it makes me commend her all the more because i feel that music these days has lost its meaning in a way. now, anyone can be in music, but it takes a truly talented person to get it right in my opinion. alison definitely accomplishes this.

to say the least, if you havent had the chance as least give her a try. she is an amazing musician with a lot of talent. her music videos are really good too if you get the chance.

admiring,

annie em.

a random post. among many others...

today is easter, He is risen. im starting not to be a fan of family holidays anymore, but today was ok for one i guess. me and my sister (and also best friend) hung out the whole time at Oma's house and watched ferris bueller's day off (BIG fan of the 80's by the way) and sleeping beauty. what a combination.
anyways, to say the least, it was an ok time. it was just my family and then the aunt and uncle. maybe i would be more inclined to family gatherings if they were bigger and had more people my age..but oh well. my sister is all the company i need!
so aside from watching movies, we snuck onto a golf course and had a mini photo shoot. man i love photography. if only i had endless amounts of money to spend on things i love; i would have bought myself a nice expensive camera a loooong time ago.
here are some of our brilliant pics (i picked my faves)

my beautiful sister.

the dynamic duo

it wasnt a huge photo shoot, kind of impromptu and whatnot, but oh well. it will be fun this summer because i plan on doing a lot of experimentation with photography and such. the summer is always a good time to find something you are interested in and explore it. because what else are you going to do with massive amounts of time?

so that concludes random part #1...now to begin other random things

this is my blog description thing, but i am changing it so i wanted to post it here so i would always remember it...

"i'm letting go, giving it up. its all Yours now. do what you will, have your way and i'll follow. whatever the outcome, i'll live for You alone."

that has been on my blog for awhile now, but what does it mean exactly? well it serves as a reminder to myself of what i am living for. i wrote it because of certain situations that i was dealing with in my life at the time and because of my failed attempts at trying to deal with things. too many times, we try to help ourselves without remembering that we dont have to go it alone. we have Him to help and guide us.

So the spark behind the phrase is to be reminding myself when i freak out over things i cant control or things i dont know that i need to place my trust and let things go. interestingly enough, the pastor at church this morning was saying something along the lines of 'when you put God first and make Him your priority, everything else will fall into place'...

but of course, as with many things, it is much easier said than done. i have decided its time to make a concious effort again to stop trying to control the world. we just have to accept that things cant always go our way and sometimes we dont know why things happen or what the outcome will be but we just have to tell ourselves, "whatever the outcome, I'll live for you alone."

peace is living,

annie em.

what a blustery day...

so today there was an easter egg hunt in our neighborhood...my mom and one of her good friends decided about twelve years ago they wanted to do some kind of ministry for our neighborhood hence the Shadowbrook Easter Egg Hunt was born.
we share the easter story with whoever decides to come and of course we sugar the kids up and send them home. amid the pastel eggs that invade the yards, me, jordan, steph, aubrey and brielle hung out and had a good time being out normal goofy selves.

anyways to prove that i can make impromptu art, i made a lovely collage(?) out of nerds. yes, the candy.

my masterpiece!

yeah...well aside from the fact that i have had way too much sugar in the past few days, i would say easter break has been fairly productive.

so i guess i should find a cool point to add to this blog. hmmm lets see.

one of the most recent brilliant (but delayed) discoveries i have had is the band Fair. I say delayed because i have had their cd in my iTunes for well over a year, but i finally just listened to it over this past week. one word. AMAZING

lets explore this band.

band: Fair, the creation of acclaimed Tooth & Nail producer Aaron Sprinkle, who is the lead singer of the band. so their first album The Best Worst-Case Scenario is the one i have been listening too (2006) but i just discovered that they released a new album this year! Eeek! oh the joys... the new album is called Disappearing World. i havent had a chance to listen to it yet, but i want to as soon as possible. honestly what makes or breaks a band is seriously lyrics. yes, i am guilty of liking cheesy bands who have no lyrical diversity whatsoever, but when it comes down to it, i truly love all the bands who have amazing lyrics. ones that describe your feelings in a way you would never think of. think of how much better music would be these days if people actually tried to get away from cliche and attempt realness and beauty in writing. aaron sprinkle definitely hits the nail on the head with that one.

just to give you an idea of who aaron sprinkle is, he produces a lot of Tooth & Nail bands (including Anberlin, my favorite band of all time) while writing his own stuff on the side. amazing. to say the least, they are my newest discovery. i would compare them to This Providence by closest comparison.

a challenge for everyone out there: finally listen to that cd by the band that has been sitting in your library just waiting to be discovered. i have found some of my favorite songs/artists this way. although maybe this should serve as my lesson that an 8,000 song library might just be too big. but i cant help it. i just love music too much! so go discover something great!

be inspired,

annie em

as of late.

since art is my passion, i feel like i should share some of my recent work with you. since fall semester in drawing i am now in two more art classes, 2D design and 3D...gotta love studio classes! anyways here is some of my work from those classes...enjoy.

This is a wall piece I made for 3D design. It is five separate parts that were combined into one. The weird thing sticking out in the middle is a branch-like structure i added to create some kind of visual interest. originally the assignment was to create implied motion without the object actually moving. did i succeed?

For 2D design, its hard to see the colors (much better in person) but this painting was comprised only using two complimentary colors (yellow and purple) and black and white. It is quite a large painting in real life...at least 3' x 4'

I did this on my own aside from an art class. Its one of my collage pieces that I have been doing for the last almost two years. This one is different from past works since i hand drew the mirrors in the center.

Thats just a few of the many things i haven been hard at work on. right now i am thinking of undertaking a project for my room at home...oh! random story time.

i am now living at home (no more lissner hall) in order to save money on housing costs . it actually works out quite well and i love it, but anyways the point of that bit of news ties into the fact that i am thinking of making all new art for my walls at home. i am thinking of makind boards again (what i call my collage art) that depict my innermost feelings. a potentially daunting/revealing task. but it would serve the purpose of showing who i am, which is what i think a room (specifically YOUR room) is supposed to say.

well there ya go,

annie em.

ps...another new thing that i am starting is another blog with four of my other closest friends. we just started it last night, so there probably wont be much on there, but check us out and follow us!

http://fiveinafrenzy.blogspot.com/

its about time.

the weather has FINALLY decided to get nicer. it must have known me deepest wish...

good things about spring...

1. cute sundresses
2. (sometimes) running outside
3. beautiful weather; not too cold, not too hot...just perfect.
4. listening to spring-inspired playlists
5. being outside
6. the smell
7. feeling a lightness of heart
8. goodbye dreary winter

there are many more of which i cannot exactly think of at the moment, but all i know is that the weather seems to have had quite a drastic impact on my mood. there is something about knowing you are not confined to the indoors anymore that can free a person. its amazing! even though life is still by no means any slower or any easier, it is good to know that there is one thing that is going right at least.

ps....i have decided that i am going to start posting more blogs and actually sticking to my original ideas of posting cool/interesting topics.

stay tuned,
annie em.

spring boring-ness.

today is spring break.
joy...
i have one day off the whole break and its tomorrow...
other than that i work every single day from 4pm to whenever.
at least its money but it pales significantly in comparison to last years spring break. sigh...

stuck at home,
annie em.